Toilet Talk

A Hair-raising Issue

Today’s topic is a hair-raising issue brought to you by those granola scarfing, whole food shopping, yoga tarts. Prepare yourselves. Scamper overheard a hideous rumor today at the gym. Bush Is Back! Our head spun and our mouth went dry. There was a moment of disassociation as we gazed at our body from above.

shutterstock_198405152-800x400After taking a moment to gather our wits, we went about sussing out the sitch. A couple of ladies were in the shower, so we were forced to lay in wait. Waiting time does no favors for an idol mind. We considered the purpose of la bush as was intended by nature. Odor captivity. Pheromones linger longer in a musky nest of hair. As does urine FYI. As time marched on we considered bush related injuries varying from abrasion to road rash depending on activity level. We even envisioned oral complications like thrush ( yeast infection on the tongue).

How about swimming in a communal pool and surfacing to find some unexpected bits of floss between your teeth? As we were beginning to sense that warm saliva that precedes vomit, the first subject emerged from the shower. Trying for discretion, we gave the zone in question a little sideways glance but damn it our peripheral vision stinks. We considered the options quickly and went for a full on look-see. We call that taking one for the team. To our profound relief, we spied a landing strip, closely cropped. Unfortunately, a small sigh of gratitude escaped our lips. Audibly!! Number two stepped out immediately thereafter. Jackpot! Bald eagle! Fear not friends. It was just an ugly rumor.

And..um..by the way, Scamper needs to find a new gym

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The Scamper

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