Politics

7 Tasty Treats

sarah huckabee sanders

Please be warned that much like the Halloween confections that the kids came home with, not everything is so sweet. Several of these items will cause digestive upset. Perhaps, we would be more prudent to call this one 7 deadly sins.

1. This one is extra special.

You’ll recall from previous posts that Paul Manafort has been charged with laundering foreign money, among other things. Well guess how he was laundering that papier vert. (Green paper, ie, money. We too, felt the need to add a foreign flare. It was French) The Podesta brothers of team Hillary were hocking it all over the hill. As in, they were making deals for cash on the senate and house floors as lobbyists. Oh yes, it’s true. Google their interactions. You might want to start with Ukraine sanctions.

2. While dripping with sarcasm Morning Joe’s Scarborough asked his henchman Willy to “tell us about the harrowing events” of yesterday’s terrorist attack.

What in the devil is that? He knew perfectly well what had taken place. It was untoward and gruesome. There was a rather ghoulish focus on the poor victim who suffered a double leg amputation. Here’s the really sick part. It served exclusively as a conversational segue into a Trump bashing session. The president wasn’t sensitive enough for Joe and Mika. He was apparently offensively premature in his desire to end terrorism on U.S. soil.

3. This may be the jewel of the Nile.

A White House reporter actually asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders in Wednesday’s press briefing if… get a load of this, the president believes that slavery was wrong. Seriously?!? Who’s the nut who believes that slavery was right? What kind of an idiotic and hateful question is that? The ever-charming raven haired beauty of press dominion and decorum merely called that a disgusting and absurd implication before moving on with grace. Who doesn’t love that Sarah?

4. There’s a debate in the making. Should the NYC murderer be treated as an American citizen or as an enemy combatant destined for gitmo?

This one could get sticky. The heat is on. Leslie Graham, John McCain, and others are applying pressure. They want to see this guy on a one-way flight to Cuba. Obviously, the Dems are up in arms about that plan. They have decided that things like that might antagonize the members of Isis and encourage them to hate Americans. Yeah, that might just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Is anyone really under the impression that a more routine style of prosecution would keep them at bay? Psst… the answer is no.

We have mentioned that we don’t favor idiots, right?

5. The pork pulling perp (yeah, that’s right, it was meant as a slur. Not to peace loving Muslims but to filthy fanatical animals like the NYC killer), has been subjected to federal rather than state charges.

The good news of that is that the death penalty is now an option, although frankly, we’re not sure that a life sentence isn’t a worse fate. Either way, we’re good. We would be amenable to some gitmo time though. (As we mentioned yesterday, when you threaten the safety of Scamper’s loved ones there will be no mercy. We’re still put out)

6. Here’s one that we love. Devin Nunes is super peeved.

He says that Perez and the rest of the high-ranking Dems are trying to sell us a whopper. He claims that Burger King has no evidence at all of republican participation in procuring that damning dossier. He’s laying the whole thing at the feet of the dastardly Dems. Isn’t that the ketchup on your fries? The entire Clinton imposed game of Russian roulette, in which anyone other than Bill or Hill takes the bullet, may prove to have been a failed effort.  It may in fact seem to suggest that they would be guilty of the very thing that they have so doggedly persecuted the president for. That, my friends, is what we like to call a lip smacker.

7. Naturally we’ve saved the best for last.

The DNC is hiring. They need aspiring young, potential, political leaders to sign right up to prove themselves worthy by performing grunt work for no pay and unmanageable hours. If you excel, they might actually give you a shot at a job that’s worthy of note. (um, just as a word of cation, it’s not wise to cross them, so no funny business please. Ask Seth Rich. Oops, sorry you can’t. He’s dead. We’d direct you to someone like Vince Foster but he’s dead too. Oh dear, was that insensitive?)

By the way, please don’t apply if you are a cisgender, straight, white male. You are not welcome.

Okay, for the record, we have no earthly idea what cisgender means but it was honestly on their list of disqualifying attributes.

You can trust that we’ll be looking that one up.

Curiosity has just killed the cat. We looked it up, alright.

Apparently, it’s a disparaging term for people who identify their gender by the parts God gave them. And with that, we’ll focus on returning to a state of normal respiration without nausea.

Millennials!!!!!!

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The Scamper

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