Politics

Black Friday’s Shady News

Franken & Trump

Fist fights are breaking out over TVs in stores. People were knocking each other down over toys in Target. Best Buy was a scene but all of that was merely child’s play compared to the bad behavior going on in DC. 

Don’t blame Al Franken.

He’s just affectionate. He’s a hugger. He’s so sorry if any of the women who’s breasts and bottoms he grabbed felt offended. He was just being Al.

“I’m a warm person. I hug people…some women have found my greetings or embraces for a hug or photo inappropriate”

You think?

“And I respect their feelings about that”

That’s helpful.

He added that he felt sorry for making some women feel badly.

Ok, first of all, grabbing a woman by the breast is not the equivalent of a hand shake.

Secondly, uninvited hands on a woman’s derrière are unwelcome.

An affectionate five year old can say that he didn’t know that he wasn’t supposed to indulge himself in fondling ladies private parts. Although, even five year olds usually smile devilishly when they do such things. Boys will be boys.

Men however, are expected to behave with a modicum of decency. Senators are held to a higher standard. Those were the values that we were taught. Perhaps Al Franken is suggesting that in his home state, the rules are different. The residents of Minnesota must be thrilled to be represented by such a gregarious fellow.

Maybe Minnesota is the touchy feely friendly state.  Wouldn’t that make a nice license plate?

He has announced that he will not be resigning. After all, he must continue to do the good work of the people.

Here’s a thought. The majority of the people don’t regard imposing a little slap and tickle upon coworkers as good work and lines like, l’m sorry you feel that way, only tend to jack up their anger.

Time to go Mr. Funny Pants and be advised, Minnesota just might not welcome you home.

John Conyers.

This one is a real pip. He’s as old as Father Time and apparently as lecherous as that weird guy down the street who likes to chat up all of the local ladies that walk by, who was forced to register as a sex offender.

A handful of honeys have pointed an accusatory finger this guy’s way but he remembers nothing.

Well, his memory may have been slightly jarred by the mention of that $27,000 that he paid out to she who shan’t be named. Congressional payouts to victims of sexual harassment are all done in secret. It’s a rule.

Would you like to guess who wrote that edict of equality and sensitivity?

Members of Congress.

Should you be harassed by a member of Congress, you’ll need to keep a lid on your complaining for 180 days, during which time you must subject yourself to 30 days of counseling. After that, there will be a 30 day mediation phase.

How’s that for swift justice?

Oh and by the way, the entire episode will be subject to the non disclosure agreement that you will be forced to sign.

Loose lips sink ships, missy.

Conyers, who apparently rivals Oscar The Grouch in the social arena, is seriously put out about being expected to explain the growing multitude of accusations about his unwelcome sexual advances. He co founded the black caucus. Plus, he’s the oldest member of the house, damn it. If he wants to grab some tush, hasn’t he earned that right? If not, it’s only because he and his cohorts forgot to write that into law too.

You can be sure that while the skirts are working on bills to make sexual abuse less common on the hill, the good old boys are planning to fight them tooth and nail.

They have their needs, thank you very much.

Fun fact- representative Conyers reputedly has a proclivity for conducting meetings clad only in his undies.

Isn’t that spunky?

Grab your pink uterus hats girls. The war on women that those prescient Dems have been warning you about may be here.

Just beware of that Trojan horse. It’s filled with duplicitous Democratic men.

The hot topic of gerrymandering.

Rachel Maddow and friends are rallying the troops. Better yet Barack Obama and his “ wing man” Eric Holder are now on board.

They would like all of America to believe that only those lawless creatures who call themselves republicans engage in an activity so unwholesome as redistricting voting areas in order to encourage a more desirable election outcome.

Please.

As they say in the south, we’ve been to the circus and we’ve seen the elephants.

Does anyone honestly believe that those dastardly Dems don’t engage in some cheaty, meaty, gerrymandering?

Of course they do.

Let’s face the facts like adults.

Both parties are inherently corrupt. That would explain why no third party participant can ever win an election at the presidential level. It would also explain how it is that they can come together on a bipartisan basis in order to provide themselves with all of the legally legislated perks that they enjoy, like student loan forgiveness for their children and extra special healthcare.

They can’t work together on anything that benefits the rest of us but when they have the chance to pass a bill that elevates the lifestyle of the congressional clan, they start singing We Are Family like Sister Sledge.

 

Things are about to get dicey my pretties.

The democrats are looking for a takedown in 2018. If these republicans don’t pass that tax reform, we can all start calling each other comrade. The democratic party has taken it so far to the left that even Beyoncé would say, whoa Nelly.

They can posture about republican rigging until the proverbial cow comes home. If the mass, governmentally approved jail exodus in blue states taught you nothing, get ready to enjoy some good old fashioned socialism. Don’t worry, the Venezuelans  loved it.

Wait, actually they didn’t.

As usual, we’ve saved the best for last.

The Flynn Flip.

Out of the blue, the Flynn legal team has shut down communications with the White House warriors.  It smells like somebody’s a rat.

Once his son got caught up in Mueller’s malevolent web, Papa seems to have taken up singing.

The question is, who’s his tell tale song about?

There are only three choices.

President Trump

Don Jr

Jared Kushner

The smart money is on Kushy.

We’re guaranteed to hear more within the next week or two.

Robbie Rough Stuff, aka Mueller,  has someone in his crosshairs. Who, oh who will it be.

Better yet, Senior Mueller may very well soon be facing some legal issues of his own. His involvement in the Uranium One deal is now the subject of scrutiny too.

We just love it when the tables turn.

Ok, we had planned to avoid the subject of North Korea because it’s been the cause of so much anxiety but we thought it better to put your minds at ease. Here’s the story.

President Trump has had enough of Rocket Man’s posturing. He’s declared North Korea a state sponsor of terrorism. That ticked the little plump guy off. In response, he declared war.

Then a high ranking member of the North Korean military decided to skitter across the demilitarized zone in order to defect to South Korea. The poor guy was shot 5 times for his trouble and then dragged to safety by the South Koreans. He will probably live.

Oddly, his intestines were chock full of parasites and 10 inch tape worms. As an elite member of the military, one would have assumed that he had been provided with clean nutrition. Nope. Lil Kim doesn’t even take care of his best soldiers.

When North Korea shot at him, they shot towards South Korea, thereby violating an agreement. In so doing, they essentially declared war on an American ally.  They also violated international law.
Contrary to what Kim Jong Un  may believe, that country is ruled by a large body of like minded leaders. If Lil Kim continues to poke the bear, we won’t need to take him out. They’ll do it for us. North Korea can not afford to go head to head with the United States. We would wipe them out in minutes and they know it. The vast majority of human beings have a will to survive. The second North Korea launches a missile in our direction, they will be atomized. They are not going to risk that. This is all about bravado and showmanship. Unless something drastically changes, we don’t need to worry.

Enjoy your holiday weekend.

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The Scamper

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