Politics

The Creatures Were Stirring All Through the House

Donald Trump during Christmas

Better check your chimneys folks. The swamp mice were awfully busy during the 12 days of Christmas.

 

On the first day of Christmas, the swampland gave to thee – Andy McCabe as a retiree.

Don’t worry he’ll be hanging in until his pension is available in full. That should happen in March.

Translation- He got a backside full of Santa’s boot after his hearings but the D.C. elves protect their own.

 

On the second day of Christmas– The UN heard Haley… and she gave them an earful the message was, if you don’t approve of us moving our Israeli embassy to Jerusalem, zip it. It is America’s decision to make.

We neither want nor need anyone’s approval. Anyone feeling emboldened enough to try to censure us about it while benefiting from our generosity had best be on notice.

They censured and President Trump just withdrew $ 225 million from the UN budget.

Ho ho ho.

Guatemala and at least ten other nations, played things a little differently. They too will be moving their embassies to Jerusalem.

Happy Chanukah.

 

On the third day of Christmas – Utah gave to thee, plans to elect Mr. Romney.

It looks like Utah has grown tired of Orrin Hatch. He’s been their senator for over forty years and they want fresh blood. They’re looking to drain the swamp, apparently. Fair enough, but Mitt Romney? Um… hmmm. He smells awfully marsh like to our nostrils.

The local paper, The Salt Lake Tribune, was definitely salty in its rebuke of senator Hatch. They want him out and they want Romney in.

The question is, will Hatch oblige them?

He’s 83 yrs old and seemingly unwilling to retire but the GOP is nervous about older members who may kick the bucket in midterm. They don’t have enough of a majority to comfortably take on special elections. Forget about their emotional attachment to a guy who’s served half of his life in congress. This is about maintaining control. Romney is a better long-term bet.

The problem is that Romney and Trump have a rather sordid past. Will Romney be another duplicitous Jeff Flake or will he be a republican team player?

That’s a dicey bet and as far as we know, the Mormons don’t gamble. This one should be interesting.

Our bet- Hatch is out. Romney is in.

How might that work out?

Oh, how we love the intrigue!

 

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Dems gave to thee- plans to lead every house committee.

Now, this is rich.

Clearly, the lefties are looking to take over. Undoubtedly, they will then plan to proceed with that fun filled impeachment scheme that’s been providing them all with itchy bottom syndrome for a year.

So far, here’s what they’ve got.

Women must vote dem because Trump is a sexual predator. Why do you think they made such a stink about Conyers and Franken? The cat slipped out of the bag with the Weinstein story and those crafty creatures turned grime into gold.

They sanctimoniously cut ties with a champion of women and an icon.

Excuse us a moment whilst we gag.

The pretense was the Roy Moore campaign in Alabama but now that they’ve won that battle, they’ve got Trump in their crosshairs.

They’re going for the black vote too, as usual.

See Charlottesville.

The Hispanic vote is being put in check with the incessant teary-eyed tributes to the beloved dreamers.

The only message is that republicans are male white supremacists.

Saying Merry Christmas proves it.

It’s a dog whistle to white nationalists everywhere.

There is no viable plan for health care.

There’s nothing in the way of a plan to maintain things like social security or Medicare.

Educational issues? Meh. They’ll figure themselves out.

The singular message is that if you aren’t a racist or a sexist pig, you’ll vote with us and to sweeten the pot, we’ll let felons out of jail to help you get the job done.

Happy holidays.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas, California gave to thee- a pardoned criminal refugee.

This one put the darned queen bee in our bonnet.

That Governor Jerry Brown, really rattles our cage.

On Christmas Day, he gave us all the gift of pardoning two immigrants who were convicted of violent felonies.

How generous.

They paid their dues and now deserve a second chance.

Yeah, in their own country.

Why on earth are we obliged to provide criminal immigrants a second chance after they commit violent acts? The second chance was starting life anew in America.

When did we become the guilt ridden, overly indulgent, parental stand ins to all of the world’s ne’er do wells?

We find this hypersensitivity to the precious proclivities of our nation’s guests to be unwelcome and truly nauseating.

Has no one ever been on a plane before?

Here’s the deal.

Tend to your own air mask before you attempt to help others.

Guess what.

Chicago needs an air mask.

Our schools need an air mask.

Our teachers, police, veterans and an assortment of other American citizens need an air mask.

There are no available air masks for those without valid boarding passes.

Catch our drift?

Can we please stop this lunacy?

America’s teat only has so much milk and until our own children have all been fed, we will need to be a bit more withholding.

Scrooge-like? Maybe.

Honest? You betcha.

Peace on earth.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas, liberals gave to thee– a version of school book history.

Prepare yourself. This one’s a beaut.

Some of our more liberal friends have decided to alter the standard school curriculum.

In attempt to woo the LGBT community, lefties found it appropriate to out deceased historical figures and now, they want their suppositions to be included in children’s school text books.

Gay, straight, bi, who cares?

How in the name of all that’s holy did it become beneficial to children to address the sexual preferences of our nation’s founders?

We would prefer not to know about what takes place in our neighbor’s boudoir and we shan’t share what goes on in our own.

That feels like a fair contract.

Since when did it become to subject school age children to knowledge of anyone’s sexually proclivities in the classroom?

If you want to teach that in health class, have at it.

History class is not the place for this sort of posturing.

For the love of Pete, get some perspective you idiots.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, the house gave to thee– a shrieking Rep. Pelosi.

Tax reform and DACA

Will the caterwauling never end?

She’s like a cat on a hot tin roof. Maybe for Christmas her husband should have given her a roll in the hay.

Oh dear, was that sexist?

Here’s the story, lady.

This prez isn’t cowing to your shrill cat calls.

You want DACA relief?

Agree to fund the wall. It’s called compromise. Get used to it.

Hillary lost and you’re no longer in control.

Compromise is supposed to be intrinsic to our government. We do understand however, that under Obama’s rule, you may have lost sight of that small fact.

The howling about the tax reform needs to be put on hold before it bites you where the sun doesn’t shine. (how’s that for an image? You’re welcome.) The tax plan will either succeed or fail. We shall see. Until then, enough with the Doomsday Dora routine. It’s growing old.

(not unlike dear Nancy)

 

On the eighth day of Christmas, United Airlines gave to thee– anoffended Rep. Jackson Lee.

This little tootsie is another piece of Yule Tide joy.

Get a load of this.

A 63-yr old, career (female), school teacher, who happens to be white, saved up her money for a first-class ticket. When Ms. Sheila Jackson Lee sashayed her ample derrière up to the service counter and demanded an upgrade with the standard phrase, don’t you know who I am, as is reputedly her wont. The teacher was bumped back to steerage and Jackson Lee took her seat.

Teach complained and demanded an apology. She was provided with a $500 voucher from United Airlines and an inadequate acknowledgment of the incident.

As soon as the story hit the airwaves Ms. Jackson Lee took the offense. She couldn’t afford to endure any bad publicity. It’s about to be an election year, damn it.

Thank her lucky stars, she’s black.

It was racism!

Okay. That may seem confusing since she got the good seat.

She bumped the school teacher, who had scrimped and saved, but since she’s a powerful house representative, she deserved the upgrade. To question her innate superiority and therefore her entitlement, must be evidence of racism.

Shoo, you paltry little school marm.

The empress has arrived and unless you give her your gold, you shall be beheaded.

That’s some fine democracy Santa, isn’t it?

Ho ho ho. (yep, that was meant disparagingly)

 

On the ninth day of Christmas, POTUS gave to thee– an example for everyone to see.

For the first time in noted history, this president provided all of the members of the sheriff’s department, secret service and first responders assigned to his protection unit, a beautiful banquet hall of their very own for the holidays. On both thanksgiving and Christmas, a ballroom was set up with a full-blown feast for all of those service members who are assigned to protect him.

They and their families were invited to dine in Trump styled elegance during their hours of respite.

We have spoken with several of them and they were astonished by the display of generosity and gratitude. They were absolutely thrilled. They truly felt appreciated.

You Trump haters may need to rethink some of that name calling after that.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, Trump talk gave to thee, an infuriated Democratic Party.

This one’s so nice, we’ve covered it twice.

Merry Christmas. Extra money for nearly everyone.

Tax reform with a repeal of mandated buy ins? Bah humbug, said the Dems.

They’ve called it Armageddon and a war on healthcare.

“It’s not fair”

“If we don’t compel young, healthy, people to pay their fair share, how will we pay for the sick?”

Hey, dummies! This is not soviet Russia.

It’s not a socialist system.

Sharing may be caring but it is not supposed to be a government mandate here in America.

Shut up Buttercups!

Find a new way to skin the peach.

Americans are generous and kind. We all tend to want to help the less fortunate but we do it by choice not by legislation. And by the way Fat cats, how much are you giving?

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the GOP gave to thee– an investigation into Mr. Comey.

Bring on the merriment!

It’s about time and Comey’s not the only one in the hot seat. That murky morass of FBI bosses is about to revive a big bag of coal in their stockings.

How ironic is that?

Those liberals have zero respect for coal miners.

Santa can be quite funny on occasion.

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the voters gave to thee– a president willing to play referee.

President Trump has announced his desire to work hand in hand with those delightful Dems on any number of issues in the new year.

That’s the spirit!

Will they follow his lead and cooperatively participate or will they continue to resist, persist and cause the system paralysis?

With all of that fervor devoted to the midterm elections and 2020, who can say?

In the spirit of the season, we will say, bless every one of their little hearts.

We wish you all a joyous holiday season.

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The Scamper

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