Dirty Dealings


The stories and details that you may have missed this week.

There has been no end to the debauchery.

Franken and Conyers were caught red handed. Franken in the photos, Conyers in the cash. Tax payer cash… paying off the complainant. 

Yesterday, Matt Lauer was finally fired for his foul philandering and frightful fondling. Oh yes, that was a lot of Fs.  (That’s what NBC said.)

Franken will be fine. He’s managed to slither away unscathed, for now. Despite his pitiful attempts to sound apologetic, Arrogant Al remains convinced that people rely on him to be a champion for women. As such, he needed to return to work. (come back and finish the article after you’ve expelled your last meal)

For some inexplicable reason, the members of Congress seemed to agree.

Actually, it’s not all that inexplicable. The numbers in the senate are too tight to toy with. The Minnesota   governor would replace him with a democrat but the special election that would follow might yield a republican. Until there’s an X rated video of Franken getting freaky with an unwelcoming woman, he’s here to stay. Plus, he still smells like a star to enough people from his days on SNL that he bares the celebrity protective shield.

Conyers, on the other hand, will probably be provided with decorative cover as he’s being shown the door. Nauseating Nancy has been back and forth on whether or not he needs to go. That self-serving siren was ready to send him packing the instant she received criticism for calling him an icon though.

Lord only knows what happened in yesterday’s Congressional Black Caucus meeting. In the morning, the chairman was ready to throw him under the bus. After the gathering, they would be damned before they’d let Conyers be crucified. Now they’re talking about due process. Given that he’s already forked out $27,000 of our hard-earned tax dollars, we’re perfectly happy to forgo further processing procedures.

Interestingly, Representative Conyers has just been hospitalized due to “stress”.


He will be too ill to carry on with his legislative duties but his caucus can appear to remain honorably loyal.

Whoever thought that scheme up deserves a promotion. That’s a good one.

Lauer is our favorite. He actually had someone install a Bond villain style button under his desk top. When he pressed it the door locked and precluded exit. He locked his ladies in his lair. If it wasn’t so sick it would be funny. He’s another one who was terribly surprised that his behavior had offended anyone. Of course the woman who reportedly wailed as he held her down and the one who fainted and was taken to medical after he assaulted her might have been a clue.

Not a single one of these lecherous Larrys who have been caught in these predatory sex scandals seems the least bit remorseful.

They don’t want to lose their jobs, income or family but they can’t authentically convey that they believe that they did anything wrong.

To all of those stargazers who have been touched by the tingling of glorious joy because the days of sexual discrimination are now over, we can only say one thing.


You people are dreaming. Think of it as a diet. These powerful men with abusive tendencies can put their cravings on hold for a while but you had better believe that sooner or later, Daddy’s gonna want his pie.

Just a word of caution.

Kim Jong Un must have been checking in on all of that news because he was feeling sassy too.

On Tuesday, he tested another long-range missile and this one made the government nervous. They believe that North Korea now has the capacity to strike any city in the continental U.S. He may not have functional nuclear warheads but it’s only a matter of time and not a lot of time at that. 

Even more disturbingly, someone is facilitating their military development. North Korea lacks the equipment and elements necessary for these kinds of weapons.

The question then is, who is the true enemy?  North Korea will be eliminated in a heartbeat if they fire upon us.

Russia is far more problematic.

China wouldn’t be an easily defeated adversary either.

Pakistan is on the list of prime targets but that seems like a stretch. Since when have they become so financially solvent that they took up a policy of sharing?

They’ve got some serious problems of their own. It’s doubtful that they would want to bolster Lil Kim’s military might.

The most likely suspect is Iran. No one wants to say that right now for some strange reason but it’s the obvious choice.

They’ve just come into a ton of money, thanks to that incredibly thoughtful deal that the last administration signed. They are being welcomed into the global community with open arms and they have been awfully clear about their hatred of the U.S.

This is a two-tiered problem.

  1. Handle the Tiny Rocket Man
  2. Deal with the colluding countries.

The more dangerous and pressing issue is problem 1. The fact that the Hamburglar’s helper is playing possum is a good sign. They are avoiding confrontation. Presumably, we can deal with that on a diplomatic basis.

Lizzy’s in a tizzy

As you may have heard, during a ceremony for the Navaho code talkers who served in WWII, President Trump made a little funny.

He honored them and then offered that there may be a sitting senator of Native American heritage who’s called Pocahontas. Was it polite? No.

Was it situational appropriate? No.

Was it funny as all get out? You bet your sweet aunt Fanny.

Immediately, Tin Lizzy took to the tweet.

She was horrified. She cannot abide such racial slurs. She can, however, abide cultural appropriation in order to advance her own career. The Pocahontas line was a slam on her insensitivity and deceit. It was in artfully timed but it was certainly not a racial slur.

Tizzy # 2 

Warren developed, undoubtedly with help, a governmental committee called the Consumer Financial Protective Bureau. Amusingly, it was intended to protect people from filthy money hoarders like herself. That would be the abusive one percenters. She’s quite wealthy for some reason. $15 million in fact. How odd, given her salary.

She wanted to run this rouges gallery of Robin Hood’s marauders but was turned down. Then she became a senator.

Obama appointed Richard Cordray, who was handpicked by Warren. He stepped down this week.

Here’s the rub.

After 2 years with no deputy, he appointed Leeandra English just prior to his departure. He wanted to insure an Obama legacy. He assumed that based on Dodd Frank laws that he was the guy in charge of anointing a successor. Sorry Charlie, the president has the honor of appointing executive positions. The president appointed Mick Mulvaney as acting director.

Warren and English threw a tantrum. English is suing. She wants her rightful place on the throne. Even if she prevails, which is doubtful, the president will replace her in January. What exactly are these gals up to? Why so desperate to stay in charge for a month? Something doesn’t smell right, yet again. The democrats are dumpster diving for power lately and in all candor, it’s very unattractive and somewhat unsettling.

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The Scamper

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