Strutting in Speedos

Mark Zuckerberg

There have been way too many balls on the beach lately and our nerves are shot

They’re everywhere and you can’t move more than two feet in the swamp without getting hit in the head by some jackass swinging their balls around.

Beach balls, volley balls, brass balls, you name it and we’ve had it.

To make matters worse, while not all of the buffoons are actually wearing Speedos, they’re all sporting that very same lack of modesty and unrealistic self-image that plagues Speedo wearers everywhere.

It’s too much already!

Here’s what’s going on.


One after another, all day long, anchors hemmed and hawed about the potentially forthcoming nuclear Armageddon, brought forth by President Trump’s intemperate language.

Never before, they would all cry, has an American president ever spoken in such a bellicose fashion.

His “unprecedented rhetoric” was sure to insight the North Korean leader.

  1. Plenty of American presidents have used precisely that sort of bellicose language, including Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.
  2. How dare they suggest that President Trump has somehow become responsible for the actions of Kim Jong Un due to his choice of phraseology?

Is it not enough that the New York Times just tried to erroneously pin global warming on him two days ago with their false reporting?

Mouthy McConnell has been spouting off from his blue grass getaway and they’ve been playing the sound bite all day long.

It seems as though Mitch felt that the president over promised what the senate could deliver. He blames that on Trump’s inexperience.

They also managed to sneak in that tawdry talk of the Manafort raid with considerable glee.

Don’t worry. We’ll circle back.

They even found time for Dan Rather to carry on about the nobility of leaking. He seems to think that the White House leaks, whether classified or not, are the patriotic acts of fine Americans. As a former reporter, Mr. Rather came to be under the impression that he has an absolute right to know everything that takes place within the White House. Of course, he can then judiciously determine which details the public should be privy to.

That seems like an awful lot of filler for a network whose staff believes that we are about to be ravaged by nuclear holocaust, doesn’t it?

Don’t you worry. They more than made up for it.

Throughout the day, they offered some extremely helpful tips for stay at home mothers, the elderly and those who were home due to infirmity.

The doubled their ads for both dried survival food and food dehydrators.

They featured special segments on post apocalypse lodging. Those underground haciendas can be quite nice, ” just like home “, but, my stars, are they expensive.

They even took us to Hawaii, where they are fully preparing for a nuclear attack.

They have developed a special siren in case of incoming nukes. They didn’t want to alarm the locals by playing it on the loud speakers, which was very thoughtful. Those folks are undoubtedly skittish by now.

So instead, the reporter considerately played it on her phone for a full 45 seconds. She must have wanted to prepare the viewers for what’s to come, thanks to Trump.

They wrapped those segments up with lines like, ” How you survive… how long you will survive, will depend on the plans you’ve put in place”

It’s too sick for words. They know this scare is a crock of dehydrated stew but if they can exploit people’s fears to make a few extra advertising dollars and drive up Trump hatred at the same time, they don’t mind promoting it.


They were happy to let CNN carry the ball on the North Korea story. They’re feeling pretty sure that it’s a big fat goose egg. They mentioned it out of obligation but their main focus was elsewhere.

Paul Manafort’s apartment was raided, pre- dawn, by the FBI, with a warrant procured by Mueller , 2 wks ago.

Oh yes, they were breathless.

They giggled.

They smirked.

They exchanged knowing glances with the cameras and each other.

If they had even the slightest fear that nuclear missiles were headed this way, they cast that sucker aside.

The Manafort raid was pure partisan, oops, press … wait, no… ratings gold.

They played that story up all day long.

One after the next, they had panelists describe the severity of the, now criminal investigation.

They even pulled in antiquated players like the bow tied jester, John Flannery, who snorted and chuckled throughout the entire segment as the opposition suggested that a pre-dawn mafia style raid was overkill. He went on to justify it because “an election was fixed and they can’t be trusted”

Flannery is a washed-up Kennedy wannabe, who was chided by the anchor as the segment concluded.

Oh, that’s right. He actually appeared on Fox News, who’s daytime coverage from 9-3 was entirely fair and balanced.

The fact of the matter is that while congress is away on vacation, there is no real domestic political news to report, with the obvious exception of crime and the Dems like to keep that kind of talk on the down low. They rely heavily on the criminal vote during campaign season.

Yeah, go ahead and challenge that crack Dems. Right after your governor sets another 100,000 convicts out of jail to cast their ballots.

As you can see, we’re in a mood.

It wasn’t just the news outlets.

There’s more.

Skippy Zuckerberg is definitely running for president in 2020. He’s hired a well-known democratic pollster, Joel Benenson, who worked on both the Obama and Hillary campaigns and former Obama campaign manager, David Plouffe. He’s also been doing the standard preprimary rounds. Realizing that his belligerent anti God stance might be detrimental to a presidential run, he’s come back into the fold this month.


Just to plop the cherry on top of the proverbial Sunday, Spike Lee and friends have organized a rally called United We Stand For Colin Kaepernick. Lee won’t be there of course, but he wants you to know that not giving Kaepernick a job as a starting quarterback is racist.

No! No! No!

The fact that the vast majority of professional football players are black doesn’t matter.

According to democratic strategist, Michael Starr Hopkins, he is not being treated with the same deference as Mohammad Ali and therefore, he is being denied his due.

And there you have it.

Too many damned balls on the beach!

Time for Motrin.

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The Scamper

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