Politics

Thanksgiving Sunday’s Tricks And Treats

scamper

As is usual during a holiday weekend, the recent news cycle has been largely redundant. If you were paying attention, however, there were several attempts to slip in the funny business while we were all relegated to turkey’s tryptophan malaise.

Or potentially snockered after having to deal with la familia.

For those of you with holiday hangovers, be they emotional, physical, or both, we’ll get right to it.

Trick

Al Franken has been expected to provide a public statement for days. Sunday was to be the big reveal. It seemed rather peculiar that no time had been specified for his mea culpa. Needless to say, we regarded that as some must see tv. We even initiated bets at the turkey table about whether he’d quit or pursue.

You should know by now that Scamper’s a devil sometimes. That one got a little heated. Tee hee.

After a somewhat arduous familial encounter, we returned to the mountain (aka, home. We don’t go in for a lot of fanfare when naming our domicile. Doesn’t the mountain just say it all?) We searched all of the Sunday shows.

Nada.

We searched the Internet.

Zero.

We were hopping mad. We were in no mood for a hoax. Sir Grope A Lot owed us a press conference.

Finally we discovered that Tricky Micky kept it local. He did a few coffee clutches with friendly Minnesota venues.

Well, isn’t that lovely?

Truth be told, after a long week, we were really ready to feast on the salty tears of his remorse. He didn’t even have the curtesy to offer up some obligatory holiday humiliation like the rest of us.

The interviews are being portrayed as apologetic and regretful.

That’s as rich as a slice of pumpkin pie doused with whipped cream.

He made sure to point out that his original accuser, the one who’s breasts he grabbed whilst she slept, has forgiven him. The implication being that if she did, you should too.

CNN suggested that only one other victim of his wandering hands had come forward. Actually, so far we’re up to 4.

He apologized to the women who “ felt” disrespected.

He feels badly about disappointing his Minnesota constituents. He’s an affectionate hugger though. He did not realize that” in some of these encounters I’ve crossed a line for some women”

Because picture time is tushy grabbing time, isn’t it?

What a shame that some women misunderstood. The others must have loved it.

He was also saddened by the fact that he may have let down some of the people who have always regarded him as a champion for women.

Wait! What?

Is this guy kidding? That is not an apology by any means.

A champion for women?

Is he now attempting to molest us all… mentally?

This ass will not be leaving office voluntarily. He has an unbelievably exaggerated sense of self importance and you had best believe that the Dems are not looking to cut him loose.

Don’t you worry though. There’s a treat in this tale.

If Franken McFeel Good stepped down, Minnesota’s Democratic Governor would name his replacement.  You can bet that it would be a far more liberal woman that people would be more hesitant to challenge.

Let the wounded bird stay.

Treat

John Conyers may not be so lucky. After paying out $25,000 of tax payer money to silence one of his accusers, Mr. Lover Lover may very well be on his way to the proverbial glue factory. The democrats are ready to sell him out in exchange for Franken.

He’s already been forced to step down as ranking member of the judicial committee.

The senate seat means far more to them than a house seat right now. They know full well that they’re going to have to donate some blood to the women’s groups. Conyers is 88 yrs old. He’s contributed mightily. They thank him for his service but if someone has to be sacrificed to the latest sexual revolution, it’ll be the old guy.

Feast on that irony as you recall their commercials with Paul Ryan pushing Grandma off the cliff.

Combo platter. Trick & treat

The FBI informant who was gagged by Loretta Lynch is back in town and feeling chatty.

Chuck Grassley has grown tired of the Clinton protection racket. He’s been demanding that the mysterious informant with thousands of pages of incriminating evidence about the Uranium One deal testify and he finally got his way.

It’s happening on Tuesday and word has it that Hillary ought to be nervous.

That was the treat. The trick is even better.

Nancy Pelosi was peddling her wares on Meet the Press on Sunday morning, sure that she was going to knock the stuffing out of any GOP effort at tax reform.

We don’t tend to have any affection for Chuck Todd but, sweet Mary Kathrine, this was the day he earned his stripes.

He pelted her with a series of questions about Heckle and Jeckle, the touchy twins. She was clearly uncomfortable and desperate to move on. At least twice, she tried to reframe the conversation and discuss the tax plan.

Chucky wasn’t having it.

He redirected her every time.

Then he shut her down.

So sorry, your segment is over. We’re out of time.

Dear old Nancy looked as if she’d spit fire. Gone was the pretense of civility. Nancy was fuming.

She sputtered and said that she had come on to discuss tax cuts. When Todd cut her off, she hissed at him about her disappointment. Maybe she thought the cameras were off. Maybe she didn’t care. It was a trick on her but a joyous treat for us.

We’ll call that a delicious thanksgiving sandwich.

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