Q: Was the President’s fire and fury language too tough?
Nope. “Maybe it wasn’t tough enough.” Gotta love that guy.
Q: Should Mitch McConnell step down as the majority leader?
Ask again if he fails to pass healthcare, tax reform and infrastructure bills, says the president.
Q: With that constant toxic stream of bile and loathing spewing forth from his face, how does Anderson Cooper manage to maintain his youthful glow?
The answer is… he doesn’t. At first, we attributed that dewy skin to a Dorian Gray styled portrait in the attic, right next to the one of Don Lemon. Then we took a closer look at the Vanderbilt’s bouncing baby boy. Tootsie’s looking rough these days, which answers another question.
Why should you try to be nice? Because being a bitter bitch makes you ugly.
Q: What is the number 1 word that the FCC needs to ban from all further broadcasting immediately?
It has become akin to an obscenity.
Q: Is Governor Jim Justice of West Virginia actually Boss Hogg in disguise?
Hard to say. He’s switched parties a few times.
First he was a republican but he wanted to be governor in 2016 and the republicans already had a strong candidate.
Jim decided that he needed to reveal his inner democrat and with that, he won.
Democrats haven’t been faring so well lately, particularly in West Virginia where Hillary famously promised to put coal miners out of work.
It was as good a time as any to go back to his roots. Jim once again became a republican. Conveniently, president Trump happened to be heading into town for a rally as Justice was struggling with his party identity.
That’s ok. He wanted a little fanfare. Understandable.
Here’s the rub.
He now wants the federal government to allocate 4.5 billion tax payer dollars to his state.
Because it would be in the best interest of national security.
If North Korea, for example, takes out the power grid, Justice is willing to save the day by delivering truckloads of coal up and down the east coast.
Assuming that these trucks are so antiquated that they have no computerized components that would have rendered them useless, the coal can be delivered.
If there’s no electricity and all computers are down, how exactly does that coal get processed?
Even then, how would it save the day?
You can’t blame the guy for trying. He wants those coal mines open. As governor, he needs to provide his people with jobs but come on! This is some flimsy logic.
We can’t be sure of this guy’s real identity yet but we’ll be keeping our eyes peeled for the General Lee pulling up with the Dukes of Hazard in tow.
Q: Can dead people vote?
If they live in Virginia they can.
Well, they could.
Andrew Spiles, a 21 yr old college student from James Madison university was hired by a branch of the DNC to register as many voters as possible.
Since 18 of those folks tuned out to be deceased, Andrew will be spending 100 days of quality time in the local jail.
He was caught quite by accident. A local official saw his list of voters and knew one of the dead guys.
Given that such flukes are few and far between, how many fictitious registrations are there really?
The Dems are beside themselves.
Why is that?
It’s not because one of their own got busted pulling a scam like this.
They are terribly afraid that this discovery will result in voter suppression.
Well, sure. That makes sense.
Q: What on earth is an intersexual? (and yes that’s a thing now)
Nevermind. There are some things that we don’t need to know.
Q: Did you hear what happened in Cuba?
Neither did 5 or more American diplomats stationed there. It seems as if there’s been some Cold War style warfare going on in Castro Land, aka Obama’s favorite theme park.
After Obama reestablished relations with Cuba, American and Canadian diplomats began to develop strange ailments. Primary among those infirmities, was hearing loss. Most of the symptoms remain classified but the theory is that these people and their family members were subjected to an acoustic attack through the use of advanced sonic weaponry.
Apparently, these devices emit soundless waves of energy that result in serious injury to the victims. Brain damage, organ failure and hearing loss being primary among the list.
Cuba denies any knowledge of such an assault and there is some speculation that this could have been the work of Russia. ( 3 guesses as to who’s floating that theory … the democrats) Ben Rhodes had this to say ” The few people in Miami enabling Trump in carrying out this charade should be embarrassed / held accountable. He could care less about Cubans.”
Pithy. Unfortunately, the onetime writer, Mr. Rhodes meant to imply that the president cares so little for the people of Cuba that he could not manage to care any less. Apparently he doesn’t understand that instead his statement suggests that president Trump still has a ways to go before exhausting his tank of Cuban good will.
We’ve never cared for that pompous Ben Rhodes anyway but nonsensical and irrelevant statements made solely to discredit the president and maintain some dubious hold on cultural relevance just tick us off.
The investigation into this matter is ongoing and there will undoubtedly be more details to come.
Q: Did the FBI ever burst in on Bill and Hillary in the marital bed while searching for documents?
Oh, come on! That’s implausible on so many levels.
They did however, execute a search warrant in the wee hours of the morning, on the residence of Paul Manafort and they did indeed burst into the bedroom in which he and his wife were sleeping.
Was this overly aggressive?
Was Manafort actually concealing documents?
At this point we don’t know. Time will tell.
Q: What is the president’s go to phrase for people who disappoint him?
Disgraceful and guess who’s behaving disgracefully now.
The senate led by one Mitch McConnell.
Time to get back to work kiddies and get’er done.
Part 2 to follow