The List

In the Scamper family, there was only one thing more frightening than the threat of eternal damnation, complete with Hell fire.

It was Grandma Scamper’s list.

You never wanted to be on it, even though, on occasion, it was inevitable. Once on it, you’d do anything to have your name removed.

She was a wee little thing but when crossed, she was as mighty as Thor. She could bring grown men to their knees with one sentence.

Do you want me to put you on my list?

Oh no, they would cry.

Then they would apologize and shape right up.

Perhaps the tragedy taking place in Texas has made us nostalgic. Maybe, the endless, intentionally gut wrenching and manipulative coverage has just made us mad.

We get it. It’s horrible. We’re willing to give, but for the love of Pete, how many times must we see those two elderly women, shoulder high in God only knows what kind of foul water, waiting to be rescued?

It’s gratuitous and it’s upsetting.

It’s not as if we expect sanitized news coverage but come on. The footage out of Texas has been carefully edited to resemble one of those commercials with emaciated animals and a Sarah McLachlan sound track.

It’s not as if this is a onetime special.

The media pulls this crap every single time there’s a tragic event.

You know what?

The result is that all tragic events are diminished and then morphed into political fodder.

” I will remember you”

Well, thank you very much Sarah, for that catch all melody. We will definitely remember you and all of that crooning has earned you a special surprise.

Care to guess what it is?

The number 1 spot on our list.

  1. Ms. Sarah McLachlan

  2. Mika Brzezinski

Really, lady? You’ve been galavanting around the south of France for weeks. We only know that because the drooling halfwits on Morning Joe felt the need to announce it as an excused absence every single morning that you were gone.

Now that you’re back and presumably, well rested, why, oh why, must we be subjected to the perpetual stink face every single time the president’s name is mentioned?

You don’t like the guy.

We know.

You voted for Hillary and planned to celebrate the broken glass ceiling.


But, see here Tootsie. We have had enough of the sour lemon face and the shock and awe routine.

Either, you truly are shocked and dismayed each and every morning by some statement from the White House, in which case you should quit your job and focus on those chickens of yours or you are a disgraceful political activist masquerading as a journalist.

It doesn’t really matter, either way. You’ve become a caricature, much like that irritating woman with the sock puppets and we no longer enjoy you.


shari lewis

  1. Jessie Waters

Know your limitations. You just aren’t that bright. Take it down a notch. If you fluster Dana Perino, you are most likely being a jerk.

  1. Adam “Shifty” Schiff

Either take your summer vacation or don’t. If you decide to hang around in DC, do something productive. We are tired of watching your shiny moon shaped mug spew gibberish, as if you have anything of value to offer.

  1. Hippies and Millennials

6 of one… half a dozen of the other. Ugh.

Enough said.

  1. Richard A. Fowler, Marie Harf and Kat Timpf.

Scratch that.

Let’s just make the Fox News Human Resources department number 6.

Look, people, we realize that the losses of O’Reilly and Megyn Kelly left you guys in a tough spot but understand this… if we wanted to play bulimic for a day, we’d grab a plastic lined bucket, take a seat on the bowl and tune the bathroom TV to MSNBC.

The recent casting of obnoxious lefties who are about as bright as a low watt bulb with a defective

filament is seriously displeasing us.

  1. Nancy Pelosi

Self explanatory.

  1. Maxine Waters


Awe. You know what? We’ll take her off the list because that one makes us laugh. We can’t get enough of that hand in the air snap followed by the impeachment battle cry.

She’s funny.

  1. Antifa and their defenders

A violent, militant hate group is an unacceptable entity no matter what their moniker. To swaddle these animals in clothes marked ‘ peace activists ‘ is not only despicably deceitful and politically divisive but it’s deadly. President Trump was quite right to equate them with the likes of neo Nazis and white supremacists. They seek out violence and they viciously attack anyone who might potentially disagree with their views. In their haste to deliver their divine liberal justice, they generally don’t bother to ask.

This past Sunday, they launched another one of their protest/ justified riots in Seattle. As usual, their political guardian angels made sure to order the police to stand down. Law enforcement officers actually stood by with their hands in the air, signifying surrender as Trump supporters were being beaten. There are several witness accounts available for those inclined to roll their eyes and yelp out, Fake News.

  1. The belligerent and /or misguided liberals who still refuse to accept reality.

You people are a real problem and you have stretched every one of our nerves to the limit.

So sad. Too bad.

Get yourself a bitch and name her President Hillary if need be, and just for the record, that is the appropriate way of referring to a female dog, so don’t get crazy.

This Russia business has the potential to take you to places that you don’t want to go.

Ok, sure, Manafort may have been a bad apple. That’s all well and good.

Who is it that paid for that damning dossier though?

After almost 10 hours of Q&A by congress’s finest members of the secretarial pool, Glen Simpson, founder of GPS opposition research, had plenty to say. When asked who hired him though, he became suddenly mute.

Who do you think hires someone to produce opposition research in the midst of a presidential campaign?

Yeah, our mind immediately went to the church lady and Satan too but that’s not it.


As the name would suggest, it’s the opposition.

Given that much of this supposedly incriminating information is being attributed to Russian insiders, that would mean that the Clinton campaign hired foreign nationals to dig up dirt on Trump.

It doesn’t work only one way, my pretties.

If there’s dirt, there was digging and nobody digs for free.

The DNC has some seriously dirty paws.

Election meddling?

Check. See the Sanders file.

Russian collusion?

See above. If that doesn’t work for you, check out the uranium one deal.

Evidence tampering?

Try to recall when the hammer met the blackberry.

We could continue but we’d need to put the dermatologist on stat for a Botox call. This funny business makes us frown.

Well, actually, it makes us smirk too, which is just as bad. Smile lines don’t erase themselves, do they?

Here’s the long and the short of it.

September is nearly here. There is work to be done. The country lacks both the time and the patience to endure anymore of this childish tom foolery.

Kim Jong Un is becoming increasingly emboldened. His little missile over Japan exercise this morning, cannot go unanswered. China, Iran, Turkey and Syria have been acting up too.

Putin is a pain who thrives on our internal dissension. So, let’s just face the facts as we approach the fiscal new year.

Donald Trump is the president, like it or not.

Pining away for the halcyon days of Saint Obama is a waste of time. He’s not coming back and every single time he rears his egotistical head, it’s to undermine his successor. That is not the behavior of an honorable former president.

It would be a gross miscalculation to overestimate any singular president’s legacy and turn it into scripture, yet that is starting to look like our new leftist reality.

Speech is being censored. Racial groups are being divided and prioritized in order of listed grievances and lawlessness is being hailed as virtuous.

That is the real legacy that you folks are creating for your hero. Maybe, if you can pull yourselves together and behave like adults who can accept defeat with a modicum of dignity and grace, we can all work together and eradicate all of the newly rising hate groups.

As additional incentive, we can also take you off the list.

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The Scamper

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